His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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