forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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