I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I have tasted many bathrooms
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
