Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize