my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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