Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
