Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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