even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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