You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If its not for food we ain't going out.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
