I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
