i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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