Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
