So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
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It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
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Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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