i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
