ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
