If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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