I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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