your room smells of hookers.
And success
someone get that fucking seahorse.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize