with your own penis?
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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