hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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