im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
