90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
sarcasm needs its own font
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
