I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
