Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
