yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
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She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
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I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
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