she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
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LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
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