I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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