super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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