Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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