At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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