I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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