i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
