I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize