yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
