Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
