Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
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By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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