like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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