ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
