I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
