She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
