I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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