I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
