alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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