but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
