is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
