I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
