at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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