It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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