Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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