I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
