i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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