Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
