apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
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I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
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He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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