Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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