no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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