I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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