is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
