Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Randomize
