I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
