i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
