i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
