Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
