you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
