You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
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