Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
