I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I think I sprained my soul last night
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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