allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
