The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
