Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
