dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
