I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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