im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
