i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
