We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
