What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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