He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
