At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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