Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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